It’s taken a day or two to recover and let my rattling bones settle, so only now am I ready to write about our journey through the North of Thailand and into Luang Prabang, Laos.
The South East Asia backpacker route is a buzz of eager foreigners escaping reality for weeks, months or even years on end.
‘Where have you been?’ ‘Where are you going? And ‘How long are you on the road’ are common opening liners when you meet someone new. Travellers tell about their epic journeys so far and are always keen to share their travel tales and do’s / don’ts they’ve picked up along the way, which is why I found it disturbing that we DIDN’T hear the next hot tip until it was too late… Much too late!
Tip #1 in getting from Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang… Avoid the fast boats!!
It was supposed to have been a 3 day journey which would have been fine, but when we were presented with a fast boat option we thought… ‘Why spend 3 days travelling when you can spend 2!’ Especially when we had heard so many amazing things about Luang Prabang. So, with little debate we made the seemingly logical choice to take the fast boat. Wrong!
It became evident we’d chosen the road (and river) less travelled as soon as we started our trip….
Collected by minivan with an assortment of other travellers it became apparent we were the only ones (out of 15!) to have chosen the speed boat option. Then the tales of capsizing, boats flipping at high speeds, and a river full of obstacles started. (How had WE not heard about this? We were travel agents too!)
We ignored the chit chat and told ourselves ‘It can’t be THAT bad or they wouldn’t sell it! Right?’ Wrong!
Firstly, the 7hr mini van ride takes you to the Thai border town of Chiangkhong where an overnight stay is required. The only highlight, was a visit to the beautiful white Buddhist temple in Chiang Rai, Wat Rong Khun. The glitter sparkled and reflected off the temple, and it reminded me of snow glistening in the sunshine.
The ‘hotel’ in Chiangkhong was hideous and nameless (not a good sign).
I’ve stayed at some dumps in my time, but this takes the cake. Wooden planks for a mattress, a mouldy bath/toilet/shower combo, cold rice for dinner and stale bread for breakfast. Awesome!
In an attempt to drown our sorrows and make the most of it, we headed off to the one and only bar. An English pub called The Hub Pub.
Set up by an Englishman (Alan) who holds the Guinness World record for the fastest circumnavigation of the globe, by bicycle!
A long neck or two later Swanny unleashed her ‘Rapping Travel Agent’ You Tube clip on them all and managed to score a spot on the wall for her autograph.
Haven’t seen it? Check out her link: The Rapping Travel Agent
Anyway, the beer did the trick and we managed to have a reasonable nights sleep before hitting the road (and the boat) to Luang Prabang.
I left the hotel with mixed emotions. On one hand i was glad that we didn’t have to endure another nights sleep in seedy accommodation, but on the other I was a little anxious about the boat trip ahead of us.
We made it through the Thailand and Laos border crossing without any dramas, and it again became obvious that our choice of transport wasn’t popular. There were literally a hundred or more backpackers (identified by the uniform of backpack, hiking boots and khaki pants of course) arriving into Laos that morning and exactly 5 of us were taking the fast boat… FIVE! (Not great odds!).
It was at this point that I caught a glimpse of the speed boat for the 1st time. What the??
Basically the ‘speed boat’ was a traditional long tail wooden boat, with a juiced up engine that runs off LPG Gas! The passengers in the picture were wearing helmets and life jackets and seemed to be sitting in a 40cm x 40cm section of floor space. Ummmmm??
My gut instinct was screaming for us to run away, but we couldn’t. It was too late. We were en-route to the boat and besides, there were other people doing it (including locals), so it reallllllly couldn’t be that bad….Could it?
Yep… It IS that bad!
There are literally no words for the journey itself so let me paint you a picture.
– Imagine sitting in a convertible with the top down. The sun is fierce and its about 35 degrees celsius at 10am. (And there is no option to put the top back on… there is no top).
– You don’t have a seat, just a small square of wood that is also the floor. Your knees are bent up around your shoulders (or ears, depending on how tall you are!)
– You’re wondering why the locals are wearing motorcycle helmets, but no one gives you one.
– You’re humming along at about 80km per hour (maybe faster) with the wind howling through your hair, but the road isn’t smooth, it’s bumpy. Very bumpy!
– Oh and did i mention the road was in flood and full of debris like logs, rubbish, a rouge washing machine or two and rocks the size of small houses to dodge and avoid? Well… It was.
Now, when you’ve taken all of that in. Close your eyes and imagine it.
Now imagine it for 7 hours!!!!
Your only reprieve is the music blasting through your ipod to drown out the engine noise, the 6 short pit stops (literally) of about 5 minutes each to swap over the gas bottles (that also sit way too close to comfort) and a quick lunch break at a riverside ‘Bistro’, that served cold fried rice, warm coke and a had a hole in the deck for a toilet.
That was our journey.
The rest of our evening was a complete blur as we waited for our bones to stop aching and the hum of the speedboat to stop ringing in our ears, but as fragile as we were, Swanny and I still managed to have a laugh about it. (We had to laugh otherwise we would have cried).
We’ve since heard stories that the overnight bus was just as frightening and that the slow boats can be a pain in the ass too (no pun intended) but now that i’ve made the journey and lived to tell the tale, My #1 tip for travelling overland from Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang… Don’t! Pay the $100 and fly.